Ugh…I hate this feeling. Yesterday I had had it. I went home to a dirty house (again) that has no food (still). I had to go to the grocery store…which isn’t my favorite thing to do. I got my mom to watch Zoe while Zeb stayed home because he wasn’t feeling well….and then I headed off to TWO (yes, two) grocery stores. Publix and Winn Dixie were both having BOGO sales on things that we actually did need. Then I came home and just suddenly felt super overwhelemed. Our kitchen is a disaster…and it stays that way. Okay, let’s face it…everything stays a disaster…but the kitchen is what really gets me.
Anyway, as some of you know…we don’t have a dishwasher. Doing the dishes is my LEAST favorite chore to do anyway, but without a dishwasher it is absolutely horrific to me. I HATE the dishes…so they just pile up and pile up. There was a deal that was made a while back, but that never actually took effect. So, the dishes sit there forever which takes up counter, table, and Jessie’s cage space. So, I bring in the groceries (yes, Zeb helped), and I just throw them on the dirty floor. I’m totally frustrated with this whole situation. Why does this happen? Why can’t we keep it clean? What can we do different?
I know it’s better to put things away as soon as you use them…but honestly, it’s just hard. We leave to go to work at 7:15, come home at 6:00. We have to feed Zoe, play with her a little bit, and then get her ready for bed. That’s on a good day when we are actually home before 9:00 pm. So, you see…that’s why things just kind of get put to the side (and on top, and all around). It would be a little easier if I were a stay at home mom. I’d be there to do those things. Now, I know that everything will not always get done, but it’d be nice if sometimes something would get done.
It doesn’t help that we are gone ALL of the time. And…again, for those that know me…I’m actually not an outgoing person. I need my time, but it seems as if I never get it. Meredith (MDave’s wife) and I talk often about how it really is hard being a mom sometimes. We are the ones that really are responsible for so much that goes on. We have to make sure everyone (including baby, husband, and dog) is fed…what they need to eat, how often, etc. We have to be sure that the house somehow gets clean (whether it is getting help by those that don’t WANT to do it). We have to make sure the clothes are washed, dried, and put away (assuming that your dryer works and doesn’t drive you crazy). You have to make sure everything is scheduled out (who has dr. appts and when…how are you going to arrange everything since you only have one working vehicle). And yet…somehow…people tell us to take a little “me time” for a few minutes a day……WHEN IS THIS?
Anyway, so I thought that last night it would help to write down my “to-do” list. It ended up being two pages…but I did put even the little things on there (wash clothes, dry clothes, hang clothes, fold clothes, put away clothes). It helped clear my brain just a bit because I was trying to remember all of the things that I needed to do…which just added to the stress of it. Oh, and to top it off….I have an ear infection, sinus infection, and TMJ. (The TMJ thing was actually a relief to find out…my ENT told me since my dentist didn’t seem to be able to figure out what was going on. My ENT said “Are you stressed? Do you grit your teeth?” Um, yes…I am stressed and yes, I grit my teeth a lot)
Anyway, so that’s where I am right now….a bit stressed and overwhelmed. Maybe once I’m home long enough to mark some things off my to-do list…and maybe when I’m able to not have to be in charge of making sure everything at least gets halfway done…I’ll feel a bit better.
Sorry for the “not so happy” blog today. I just needed to let it out.