hollydoodle—wife, mommy, daughter, sister, friend…and any other hat i can wear

Praying for Friends April 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hollydoodle00 @ 8:02 pm

So, I’ve had a heavy heart the last few days.  I’ve got a few friends that are going through some rough times right now.  I often want to do something to “help”, but honestly…all I can do is pray for these people.  Sometimes “just praying” seems like so little, but I know that is usually the biggest and best thing we can do for one another. 

I don’t take praying lightly.  I don’t tell people that I will pray for them if I don’t plan on it.  I don’t use it to bring comfort unless I truly mean that I will pray.  That may sound weird, but it annoys me when people say it and don’t mean it.  I used to think that I wasn’t very good at praying…I don’t use big words, and often times I feel like I sound childish when I pray aloud.  However, when I pray alone…it’s such a sweet time.  I can talk to God any way I want and feel is appropriate.  If I’m angry or super excited…or scared or just unsure….I know God is listening.  It’s just a relief.

I also used to think people were crazy when they would say that they would wake up in the middle of the night and pray for someone or something…but I’ve noticed that happens fairly often these days. 

Anyway, this is a really random post (as usual..lol).  I just felt like writing about it.  I’m not saying I’m a super spiritual person nor am I saying that I am the best at praying.  What I am saying is that I enjoy praying…and if I tell you that I am going to pray for you…I will.  I mean that.

So, before I go, I’d like to ask you guys to pray for a few people.  I am only going to name one family, but there are some others that are on my heart but it’s personal stuff for them that I don’t want to post.  Please keep the Floyd family in your prayers.  Todd was deployed today for 400 days.  (For those of you who don’t know…Todd is Zeb’s very best friend in the world.  He was in our wedding.)  Loni (his wife) is obviously at home and having to take care of their two kids without him for a while.  Please pray for his safety, his and his family’s sanity, and for their friend’s.  I know Zeb’s kind of having a rough time with it. 

See ya!


Exciting News!!! March 10, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hollydoodle00 @ 10:20 pm

Yep, it’s true.  I’m preggo again.  I measured at 6.1 wks.  I was a bit nervous…okay, I was a nervous WRECK today…especially when we were waiting on getting the ultrasound.  We’ve known for a couple of weeks that I was pregnant, but we wanted to wait to tell people until after we saw the heartbeat.  So, two hours later…we saw it.  The little thump, thump, thump.  I think it’s a boy.  His rate was on the lower end of normal.  It was 128 bpm. 

So far this has been a totally different pregnancy than with Zoë.  I haven’t been anywhere near as sick as I was with Zoë.  While some may be thankful for this, I’m not.  I actually “enjoyed” spending time at the toilet.  It gave me the feeling that I was in control.  Well, let’s just say that God’s like “Oh, you’re in control, huh?  Let’s just see about that.”  So, I’m really having to learn how to trust Him with this.  I’ve been waaaay more tired this time, though.  I haven’t had too terribly many food aversions yet, though there are a few.  I have been really hungry. 

Anyway, for those of you that actually read my blog, you know that this is a scary time for us.  We lost Keelan when he was around 6 weeks.  We didn’t see a heartbeat with Zoë at 5 weeks (which I was further along, and they argued with me saying I wasn’t), so we had to wait a long agonizing week…but at the next appt she was measuring much bigger with a very strong heartbeat.  So, with this one…it was a miracle in and of itself to have a fairly normal first prenatal appt.  I look forward to getting past the first trimester.  But, I know that I serve a Good God.  I know that He does whatever is best for me and those around me.  Just pray that I will have a peace and even though I may fight it tooth and nail…that I will learn to fully rely on Him and Trust Him.

One more random comment about this….I must say it was very weird planning to have a kid.  The first two definitely weren’t planned really.  We fully expected to get pregnant right away.  Well, here we are 7 months later and pregnant.  I’m not complaining that it took that long (trust me, I would NEVER complain about this part)…it was just weird and different than we expected.

Okay, I’m off to bed now.  I’ve got to get up super early to go to work.


Lazy Days January 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hollydoodle00 @ 4:28 pm

Lazy days are my favorite.  They don’t happen very often around here.  I’ve had a very lazy weekend…and those RARELY happen.  Friday night Zeb and I came home from work…and just sat.  Zoë went to bed, and then we watched Lord of the Rings (Return of the King).  That movie, of course, lasted for 4 hours.  It was nice to have 4 hours to do whatever, so I played on the computer and watched the movie with my hubby while laying on the couch.  Fun times. 

Then, Saturday I stayed in my pj’s almost all day.  I put on some sweat pants around 5:00 pm so we could run to the thrift store.  LOL.  It was very shocking to not have anything going on.  Zoë was a super sweet kid all weekend, too…which made it so much better!  I didn’t feel rushed or like I should be doing something else.  I truly took my time to enjoy the relaxation that God provided.  Last night, I climbed in my bed…and watched a few episodes of Bones on Hulu.  (Zeb was out with a friend.)  It’s the small things, people! 🙂

This wasn’t an important post…but I just thought I’d share my special weekend.


Random Thoughts January 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hollydoodle00 @ 8:30 pm

First of all…how do all of you get your blogs to look so cute?!?  I want to do that!  I’m so not great at this blogging thing!

Anyway, so, I’ve been getting a lot of stuff organized and having meetings for this foster care/orphan ministry that I am helping to start at our church.  I’m SOOOOOO EXCITED about it.  I cannot wait to see what amazing things God is going to do with this ministry.  I met with a lady from Brook Hills to see how they got started and what they do there.  She was super nice, and she gave me a ton of great information.  They have got some INCREDIBLE ministries there for families.  I really hope that our church will respond to this call.  I’m meeting with the lady that is in charge of this ministry at Church of the Highlands on Monday.  She was super nice on the phone…so I look forward to meeting with her.  I have about 3 other people that I need to call from other churches…including the wonderful Wellspring Church (an AMiA church in Colorado where Clint and Theresa go).  ***side note…other than our church (St. Peter’s Anglican)…I’ve never been to another church that has just swept me off my feet like Wellspring did.  So, if any of you are ever in Denver, Colorado…you should check it out.

Okay, so I’m really nervous about starting this ministry BECAUSE OF WHAT GOD’S GOING TO DO.  I know He’s got some amazing things planned.  I don’t know what it is going to look like, work, etc.  If you know me, then you know that is very hard for me.  Zeb loves that about God.  He loves that he serves a God that doesn’t tell us all the answers.  I, on the other hand, have trouble with that.  I like knowing what is going to happen, how it will be organized, why we are doing things the way we are doing them.  But alas…I’m happier knowing that I do serve a God that is WAAAAYYYY bigger than I am and that sees ALL!

Also, if anyone is interested in foster care or how you can help with members in your church that are foster families…let me know.  I’ll get the info for you.  I’ve got connections now..lol.


PS….could someone for real tell me how to make my blog cute?


What Not to Say… September 29, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — hollydoodle00 @ 8:17 pm

This blog is going to be a debbie downer…but it is important to me that I share my thoughts on this topic.  As you all know…Zeb and I had a miscarriage in 2007.  We aren’t sure whether I was 9  weeks or 15weeks along…but that doesn’t really matter.  We lost our little baby.  We lost a child.  In helping cope with our loss, we decided to name the little one Keelan.  We both felt like he was a boy, but we didn’t have testing done to be sure. 

Anyway, I guess the reason I am thinking about this so much (which first let me say that I think about Keelan everyday)…is because this weekend, we had two friends that lost their children late in pregnancy.  I found out Saturday morning about my first friend…and it broke my heart when I read the email.  I found out about my second friend on Sunday night…and it truly broke my heart as if it were my own family.  This couple experienced their first miscarriage right after Zeb and I did.  It sucks so bad.   I am deeply saddened by this tragedy.  I know that God has some reason for allowing or causing this to happen. ..but it doesn’t make it easier.

Well, I was talking about it this weekend to some people…and it was as if I was re-living the days and weeks following losing Keelan.  The things people say are ridiculous.  Let me tell you WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE who has had a miscarriage or stillbirth.

1.  God is good.  (Yes, we know this..if we are Christians.  However, that does not make us feel much better at the moment.)

2. There was something wrong with your baby.  (And?  I would still want my baby no matter what was wrong with him…PERIOD.)

3.  This is better for you.  (Shut up…you don’t know what is best for me.)

4.  You can always try for another one.  (Maybe…maybe not.  We do know the innocence and excitement are often times lost when you experience the first one…muchless more than one loss.)

5.  Maybe you just weren’t ready to have a child.  (Excuse me?  Is that for you to decide?  Nope.)

6.  You must have done something wrong…otherwise God wouldn’t have done this.  (That’s just stupid…it’s not our fault.)

7.  It’s because you drank too much caffeine.  (Yes, some people are idiots and think that this is what you need to hear….since you aren’t ALREADY TELLING YOURSELF ALL OF THE THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY.)

8.  It is just meant to be.  (Look, this isn’t a romantic comedy…and this DOES NOT MAKE US FEEL BETTER.)

9.  It’s not like it was a real baby.  (Okay, you’re an idiot again….even if you don’t believe in life at conception….don’t say this to someone who has just lost a little one…EVER. )

10.  At least it was early on.  (SHUT UP….it doesn’t matter how early…you already go into “parent” mode.  You love that child no matter what.  If you have ever been pregnant, then you understand.  If you have ever started an adoption, then you understand. )

Those are many of my personal examples of things people said.  You wanna know what made me feel better?  When people talked about my baby.  When people say Keelan’s name.  Yes, I may cry…and that’s ok.  Don’t ignore it!  Maybe send a card.  Say “wow, that sucks so bad”.  You can even send a card and say the whole “May the Lord give you peace during this time.”  Acknowledge what happened.  Don’t be ignorant or try to use church-y phrases….they don’t work in these instances.  To be honest, the only thing that was comforting to me during that time…was God’s peace.  Zeb and I felt this overwhelming peace the night after we found out Keelan had no heartbeat…and the night before we went in for the D&C.  If you are close to the person, maybe just be there to let them cry….or see if they want to get out of the house.  Don’t push…but don’t forget them. 

I’m good at dates (usually).  This is a good thing, and it’s a bad thing.  That means that every year…I know the date I found out I was pregnant with Keelan, the date we didn’t hear the heartbeat, the date I actually had the miscarriage & D&C, the date he was due.  I have a box of stuff that was given to us when we found out we were pregnant with him.  I look in it on those dates…and sometimes at other times.  Sometimes, I lose control of myself and sob into the soft white blanket.  That’s okay.  This past July 18th (the 2nd anniversary date of the D&C), I sat in our office floor that morning reading the cards that people sent to us for the first time since we received them.  I didn’t remember most of them I think because I was on pain killers, and from what I understand…you sometimes don’t remember stuff when you experience trauma.  It was very  nice, though…to see how loving some of our friends (well, and some people we didn’t even know) were.  Thank you, by the way, to all of you were there for us.

I know now that God really did answer our prayers.  We prayed that Keelan would never have to feel heartache.  He won’t.  We prayed that he would know the Lord at an early age.  He does.  He truly will walk with God all of his days.  I often think about him playing in Heaven.  Zeb and I have funny little mental images of him…he’s our little cricket.  (Long story.)  He’s better off than we are…and I really do know that.  It still doesn’t take away the ache that I have in my heart when I want to know what he would look like or sound like.  I know others feel the same way.  I don’t think that will ever go away.  In fact, I hope it doesn’t.  I love that kid…and as weird as it sounds…sometimes the pain makes me feel closer to him. 

You know what, though, losing him made me that much more appreciate and thankful for Zoe.  I truly know what a gift she is.  She didn’t take Keelan’s place.  No one ever will.  Zoe has her own place in our hearts.  I don’t think Keelan would have it any other way if he knew better.  To be honest, if I’m not selfish…I don’t think I would either.  I’ll see Keelan in heaven.  Right now he’s probably off playing with some friends or crawling in Jesus’ lap asking Him a gazillion questions.  (So, yeah, I don’t know how theologically sound that is…but honestly, I’m totally ok with that.)

Wow, I didn’t mean for this post to be so long.  I guess I just needed to get some of that off my chest.  To my friends who have recently lost children, I am so so sorry for your loss.  I am praying for you.  I know that this time is so very painful.  To my friends who have lost a child at any point…I am so sorry for your loss as well.  The pain never stops…sometimes it is dull and other times it feels as if it just happened.  We are in a club that bonds us…but that none of us wishes in which we had been inducted.  Then there is another special group of people…the ones who haven’t been able to have children.  I am so sorry for the pain that you experience each day with this.  I don’t even know what to say…other than I’m sorry.  (That’s a whole different soap box of things NOT to say, though….and I”m sure I’ve said a few of the stupid things myself.)

Well, now that I have been a complete downer…I want you to know that I am not angry or upset about what has happened.  I truly am thankful and okay with what happened.  I have hard days.  I have days that are very confusing to me…especially when I hear of friends that have experienced this.  I really do know that God is a good God.  I know that He loves us.  I know that He also knows what it is like to lose a Child.  He’s not safe, but He is good.  He is the Healer.  He is my Peace.


Zoe is 15 months August 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — hollydoodle00 @ 8:34 pm

Wow, time flies!  Zoe is 15 months today (and Trenton is 17 months)!
My little baby is quickly becoming a little girl.  She is not just a little girl, but she’s a GIRLIE GIRL!  How did that happen?  Her favorite toy is the new pink purse that her daddy bought her while we were at the beach.  It’s pretty hilarious to watch her walk around with that and her little bracelets.  I’ll admit, though, that I really do enjoy it.  Who knew?  I actually like the color pink?!?!  Can you believe it? 

Well, let’s see what’s new….oh, yes, we are about to go on a bazillion trips…which is super exciting!  We just got home from the beach two weekends ago.  Next weekend, I’m headed to TN to hang out with my sis and Veronica to have a much needed girls weekend.  Yay!  Then the following weekend we’re off to see our SPECIAL friends Jay, Sarah Kate, Lincoln, and Millie!  We are sooo excited about this trip…we haven’t gotten to spend much quality time together in a while…this will be fabulous!  Then in October…Zeb’s going on a camping trip with his Cullmanite friends.  And here’s the biggie trip…we are headed to Denver!!!!!  I’ve always wanted to go to Colorado, and Zeb talks about when he lived there a lot….so we are going to finally get to see some wonderful friends (Theresa, Clint, Joy, Jamie, and Breeson!)  This is one trip that I really didn’t expect to happen…but it did.  Thank you, Lord…we appreciate You putting Southwest in our lives!  🙂  We will be in Denver for a whole week!  And finally, if everything works out right…we are headed to Dallas in November for our friend, Will McCall’s wedding!  So, friends, we have a lot to look forward to in the coming months!


It’s been a while!!! July 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — hollydoodle00 @ 7:46 pm

So, I’m a little bit behind on updating my blog..wow.  3 months!  Sorry! 

We’ve been a bit busy lately.  Since April, Zoe has turned 1!  Can you believe it?  I definitely CANNOT!  It’s crazy having a “toddler’ now.  I wouldn’t change it for the world, though.

Let’s see…I’ll do a quick update below.

May 21st–Zoe turned 1 year old!

June went by really fast…I don’t even remember what all happened.

July…we had Independence Day.  Zoe had a blast watching the fireworks.  We hung out with David, Meredith, and Trent…it was greeat!